he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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