She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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