Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
