Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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