dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
