You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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