dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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