i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
