I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just gargled with NyQuil
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I did not marry a roomba.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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