Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize