remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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