Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
