All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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