First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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