On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
