Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize