no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
