Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
