She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
