Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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