absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm jealous of your bromance
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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