It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
