Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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