Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
