I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
do nipples grow back?
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