That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
