I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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