I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You took a bar mat shot.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
