You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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