Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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