I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
