Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
