with your own penis?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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