Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you never un-have a 4some
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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