My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
