I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
