Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
