i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I bet he comes in French.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
