we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
