Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
