Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
