Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Acid is not a monday night drug
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
