You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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