haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
