It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
