Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
