threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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