I think I am morally bankrupt
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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