He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
