Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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