we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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