reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
