Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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