well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
