College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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