i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
