Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
