$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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