Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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