I will die if light touches me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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