Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
