whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize