That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Randomize
