y did u give ur computer a hand job?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
