so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
