Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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