I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I love having hate sex.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
