My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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