I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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