Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
