Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
