toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
she smelled like a LAN party
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got inside last night via doggy door
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
