this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
